Take Me For What I Am
by im a bunny
Summary: EDIT:4/7/2010 - Chapter 4 updated- It is the destiny of all Slayers to live a short life and die alone... But what if that wasn't the original plan? Buffy must now find a way to save her self from fate with the help of Spike
1. Alone

**Take me for what I am**

AU: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, tv - movie – comic.

Rated: M for violence, sex and language

A/N: A long time ago I started this story but life and a few hard drive crashes later and I gave up. I saved as much of my awful writing as I could and looking back over all my little stories fan fiction or not got me in to the writing mood again. Especially a rewriting mood. I can't say im that much better at writing but I'd like to try and revamp this and finish it.

Also just a reminder, I love people's feedback and I like to personally thank as many people as I can. So if you do respond, do it signed in so I can say thanks.

Prologue

Alone…

After all these years Buffy finally understood what these words meant.

When she was first called at the age of 15 her watcher had told her the life of a slayer was destined to be short and alone. That night she had fallen to her knees and begged that another girl be found. But no such luck was afforded her.

At first she refused to fight hoping that the powers that be would give up on her and find another champion. It was not until the night of her school dance that she understood they would never let her go. As she watched the vampire hoard tear through the gym and necks of her fellow classmates she felt a pang of guilt and a surge of combativeness. It finally hit her; she was the ONLY one who could save them and she had let them down. This massacre at her school dance was all her fault.

Before Buffy knew it the slayer had come out and she grabbed the closest table leg to act as a stake. Whether she refused to fight or not these nasties would never stop coming unless she killed them all. The slayer within her could never live with her self if she did not at least try to save the world.

In time she embraced her calling, even began to equate it to being something like a fireman or policeman. Those people knew it was more important to protect those that could not protect them self's and if they died (which is something they would try very hard not to do) at least they died with honor. So if the slayer had to have a short life she concluded, it was going to be a good one.

What she did not accept was being alone. That was her choice. At the time she had thought alone meant she would fight single-handedly. This suited her fine since she had no intentions of getting others killed. However one incident after another she began to feel the loneliness that plagued the slayers since the beginning.

First her father left because of her fighting and burning down of buildings. Her mother was still there but all the lies and half truths between them created a rift that only got bigger with time. She had tried having relationships with boys her age except found she either pushed them away when they got to close or they bolted for their own reasons. It was her own fault, she would tell herself, for not trying harder to let people in.

When her mother moved them to Sunnydale to make a fresh start the slayer was more than happy to accommodate her mother's wish for a normal teenage life. In spite of this her mother had the miss fortune of picking the only active hell mouth on the western coast.

One bit of luck had changed for the better though. The slayer had found friends she could share her secret with. It filled Buffy with hope to know she finally could confide in someone. Yet that joy was short lived when she realized they could not understand the pain and anger that came with being called. Her friends all tried to sympathize but thought her fluctuating moods were a result of the loss and pain that came with having to fight evil on a daily bases. They did not understand. Surprisingly to Buffy, ever since she accepted the call, these things never bothered her as much as people thought they should. It was such a part of her everyday life that at some point she had stopped caring.

No… her angst came from never having the choice to say no. Buffy loved her friends but they saw her as something special. Not one of them understood how she would ever want to give something like that up. To them it was cool she was the slayer, it made her quirky.

This though…this was the last straw.

As she stood over the recently dead body of her current boyfriend she finally understood the word alone.

It was never her fault for not trying harder or being too picky about who she dated. Buffy realized now it had never been her choice. The powers that be had not given her a gift, like she had been told so many times, but had cursed her and all those that came before her with death and solitude.

Why would they allow one of their champions to live such a miserable life? To never have the soul touched by another…and when she tried to reach for some light …they took it and distorted it into something ugly. This poor boy before her had died because of some cosmic need to keep the slayer apart from the world. No sooner had she opened her self to him, trusted him with her secret, they had been attacked …the powers that be had sent a message, for all the world to see if it cared to look… this was the price the world paid for touching a slayer.

Kneeling beside his head she cradled him in her arms. Buffy brushed the loose strands of hair from his eyes and stroked his already cold skin. He died tonight because the powers wanted her to be alone…

She laid her lips against his forehead and felt him stir under her. Before he could open his eyes he was dust. The slayer stood up and walked out of the alley. The night was calm without a star in the sky.

"You win," she said to the heavens. "I finally understand…I'm alone."


	2. Welcome to Sunnyhell

AU: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, tv - movie – comic.

Rated: M for violence, sex and language

Edit: 3/10/10 – I am updating chapters already posted. If you do not see edit on a page it is because it has not been updated.

**Welcome To Sunnyhell**

The Order of Arillius stood on the border of Sunnydale sniffing the night air trying to catch a whiff of something peculiar that they thought would accompany the threshold of the hell mouth. Instead they were greeted by the putrid stench of humanity that hung over all the towns they had visited over the centuries.

Sunnydale was a Mecca for all creatures good or evil and so much energy should have given off an aura. However not another demon could be sensed along the town's edge but the order knew they had to be somewhere. Whatever was hiding the energy was powerful trying to protect those outside the borders from the creatures within. Unfortunately for all those already inside this was also an advantage for the demons because this meant the human population was oblivious to their plight and easier prey. The only indication that someone had recognized the peculiarities of this town was the 'welcome to' sign that had been altered to read Sunnyhell.

Angelus smiled foreseeing the sign as a good omen for his clan. His plan after all was to make this town his own personal hell and reside here until nothing but ash rested at his feet. This town was made for him, now all he had to do was make his presence known… then a voice broke through his reverie.

"Oi, Angelus… what the hell do you think you're doing dragging us all the way across the bloody nation to come to Slayer country?" A younger vampire stood in front of Angelus, a few hairs shorter and nowhere near his girth. He waved his hand past the others vision trying to get his attention. Angelus showed he had heard by slowly dimming the smile from his lips before addressing his companion.

"A little scared are we Spike?" Angelus asked as he placed a hand behind the other vampires head and brought his face closer to his. "You have two dead slayers under your belt. Now Darla always said it was just a fluke, but I always defended you saying you were better than that. Was I wrong in my assumptions? Or are you just the simp Darla and the rest of the clan take you for?" Angelus's smile was mocking, while silently daring Spike to make a move. It was a game often played among vampires, a psychological war were you weighed your options and odds of survival until the first person moved either to attack or retreat.

So they stood head to head for a while even though both knew the outcome. Spike had no intention of attacking and Angelus was only doing this to provoke him into a physical brawl so he could further humiliate him in front of the rest of the clan. Not feeling up for a sparing match Spike tried to shrug Angelus off and look away. Once again losing the bluff.

Like a child knowing he had done something wrong Spike hung his head in embarrassment but was not ready to give up yet. They had all been dragged from their home in the east late one night because of this meat heads whim without the slightest idea why. No one else had the guts to question their 'fearless' leader but Spike felt it was about time they were told what was going on. "All I'm saying is this Slayer's no joke. She's killed two masters and has lived longer than any that came before her. It would have been nice to know where we were headin 'fore we made the trip."

"First, this is not a democracy. I make the rules and I lead." Angelus snarled the last part making sure everyone present was reminded of his authority. The other vampires all looked away or at the ground not wanting to give the impression they were on Spikes side. "If I want to lead us to the fucking arctic I will. Second don't think I don't know about the slayer. Dru had a vision and it appears the Slayers expiration date is coming up. The least we can do is help her on her way."

"Yes, yes … naughty slayer not wanting to play with her friends." The vampire mentioned had slinked out of a nearby car with layers of lace hanging from her thin frame. She danced over to the other two as her head rocked listening to voices she could only hear. "So selfish…her friends are calling…" Drusilla placed a slender chilled hand on both the vampires' cheeks and gave them a brush of her lips before opening her eyes. Scolding both she said, "We mustn't fight, the stars are angry and will pull us to the dance without the proper dress if we are not careful."

Angelus drew Drusilla's hand into his own almost lovingly, until he quickly squeezed it making her yelp with the pain. "Enough Dru, when we want to hear you babble like an idiot we'll ask you to speak."

The willowy girl sulked and stalked away to the awaiting car, humming to the doll she clutched to her chest. Before getting back in the passenger side she turned around and stuck her tongue out sulking.

"Great, we're listening to the loon. You know Dru's visions aren't reliable."

"Don't question me Spike... Anyone here is more than free to leave, but as long as your part of the Order… never question my judgment. I will leave you out in the sun to burn." Angelus turned to the rest of the clan waiting by the side of the road and motioned for them to leave. "Now since no one else seems to have any objections, it's time we moved to our new home."

Morning at the magic shop

Buffy sat at the end of a table in the back of the shop with her friends trying to console her grief. Ever since they found out about Riley's death they began to treat her as some dejected widow. She tried her best to ignore them while pretending to flip through some old book about a demon worshiping cult from the late 1800's but they would not stop their condolences. Part of her had not wanted to tell them about Riley's death knowing this would distract them from their daily meeting, but when Xander had asked where he was she knew she couldn't lie to them either. So her morning was filled with pats on the back, 'Oh how awful!' and big sappy eyes looking at her with pity. Her friends just took her actions to be her way of mourning and keeping a brave face on for them.

"We're so sorry." Willow said for the eighteenth time as she patted her friend's hand. "Riley was a great guy." They all solemnly nodded their heads in agreement.

"It's alright, guys, really." Buffy said never looking up from the book. "I got those who killed him…and now it's over." She had left out the part where she had to kill him too.

"Yes well," Giles said as he came from the book stacks, "You should have never had him on patrol with you in the first place. What on earth were you thinking?"

Buffy held up her hand before her watcher could make her feel any worse than she already did. "He followed me… He said there was something he needed to tell me. I was trying to convince him to go home when we were attacked." Buffy looked up from the book and pleaded with her friends. "Please, I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Of course Buffy, our lips are sealed, no more talking about Riley unless you want to. Yep, no more talking, none." Willow pretended to zip her lips but never stopped holding Buffy's hand.

"Thanks Will." There was an awkward silence as everyone watched Buffy thumb through the book. All three wre on edge not knowing what she'd do next. When she finally closed the book to acknowledge her friends the question she asked seemed a little inappropriate given the early topics of the day. "Giles where do Slayers come from?"

"Wha-Well you know that once a Slayer has died the power is passed on to the next."

"Yes, but how? Is there a list? Where does the power come from? We have volumes on every demon to come out of hell and only small blurbs here and there on the slayer. All saying the same thing; she comes, she fights, she wins, she dies." Her companions winced when she said the last word.

"Buffy where on earth is this coming from? You never cared before." Giles asked, coming to her side to place a gentle hand on her shoulder.

She reached over and placed her hand on his, squeezing it for comfort. "I'm almost 21 Giles…I'm the oldest living Slayer in history and I can't even buy a drink at a bar. Please, I just want to know who I am."

"Do not talk nonsense. You are Buffy Summers. Being a Slayer does not change that." But Giles knew despite this he would try to find out for her; if only to soothe whatever grief she was feeling. "I'll make a few calls and see if anyone knows anything. I'm afraid it's like you said. Not much has been written on the subject of the slayer though."

"That seems a little odd doesn't it?" Xander asked. He had sat silently on the other side of the table making the occasional gesture when appropriate. "Your whole life focus is on the slayer. You guys don't have some kind of slayer manual?"

"It's complicated." Giles fidgeted with his glass as he began to explain. "Slayers are few and far between. It's rare we can work with them. The rest of us spend our time studying and cataloging demons for when –" Buffy stopped with a gesture of her hand. She could tell he was ready to go into one of his long explanations and rather not deal with it today.

"It's ok. I know you'll find something. Thanks guys." Buffy smiled brightly to keep up a genial appearance then got up to leave the shop.

"Where are you going?" Willow quickly shot up to follow.

"I'm tired; I think I'll go nap. I'll be back tomorrow after I'm done patrolling." The bells on the door rung and closed behind her.

"Now there goes one depressed slayer…" Xander commented with a shake of his head.

"What an awful thing to say!" Willow shot back at him.

"Still he might be right…" Giles joined the 2 as they watched Buffy head down the street then disappear at the corner. "Buffy was with this Riley guy for a while. We all need to give her a little time to mourn."

"You fuckin wankers! Let me in!" Spike yelled as he pushed his shoulder against the heavy wooden door. The order had arrived at an abandoned, boarded up mansion just before sunrise and began to go inside when Angelus asked Spike to go back to get a bag from the car. When Spike found no bag he had realized to late what had happened. Angelus had locked him out and the doors were at least a foot thick making them to strong too knock down. Currently there was enough of a shadow to keep him from bursting into flames for the time being but the space between the light and him kept getting smaller. Spike could feel his skin start to tingle and get dry.

"Well this is a load of rot…"he said searching for a smoke from his coat pockets. Pulling one out he lit it and took a drag while resting against the door.

Angelus had always taken pleasure in tormenting Spike, like some deranged psychopath brother, but lately it had gotten worse. Spike noticed it had started when Darla was called away about two months ago. A family higher ranking than Angelus's had lost their female leader and instead of promoting within the ranks they had called upon Darla. Angelus was outraged with the news but could do nothing about it. Although he would never admit there are those more powerful than him he knew he could never beat the other clan. This had put Angelus in a foul mood and Spike bore the brunt of it.

First Angelus started by sleeping with Drusilla and rubbing Spikes face in it. It hadn't had the effect that Angelus was looking for however since Drusilla had locked Spike out of her rooms a few years ago. So Angelus resorted to verbal assaults on Spike's demonhood whenever he could. He belittled him in front of the others turning Spike into an outcast. When he was lucky Angelus would resort to beating Spike up. This at least showed the other fledgling vamps that Spike was tough and should not be messed with. Still, anymore of Angelus's attentions and Spike was sure he was going to die.

The light was just an inch from his leg now…smoke was starting to rise from his jeans. This is it he thought; Angelus has finally decided to kill me. He took another drag of his cig and watched the smoke curl away from the ash. Spike found it surreal how at peace he was watching the sun peek over the California hills. He decided if he was going to die this was as nice a sight as any to see last.

With a slide and a click Spike heard someone unlock the door. Without hesitation he entered the darkness of the mansion and slammed the door behind him. Some of the other younger vampires were spread out around the foyer not wanting to look at him. Although Spike was the third oldest vampire in their group and should have the instant respect of those beneath him the others avoided him like he was some endemic. Not because his character did not warrant such respect but because they all were scared that somehow he could spread what made Angelus hate him so much to the rest of the group.

Sitting on the stairs Angelus sat comfortably relaxed with his head thrown back in a hearty laugh and a hand around Drusilla's waist. "You should have heard yourself! No! Let me in! Big baby, you're just lucky Dru asked nicely that I let you back in." Angelus mocked him in a high pitched whine that sounded nothing like the other vampire.

Leader or not Spike had enough of his bullying for one day. Quickly he shed his human face and ran to his grandsire who was still laughing. He leapt on top of him and brought his fist down across his left eye. If Angelus noticed he did not let on.

"You bleeding git! You're just pissed cus Darla left your worthless ass behind. Why don't you jus' get shagged and leave me alone!"

Angelus sprang to his feet at the mention of Darla and held Spike in the air by his shirt. "I'd be careful if I was you…but maybe you do have a point. I am a little 'tense'." He let go of Spike with a rough shove and walked back over to Drusilla. Angelus began petting her like a kitten and Dru happy for the extra attention purred and flexed her fingers. " Dru really has a talent for relieving stress. So how long has it been Spike since she last opened her door to you? Around the time you challenged me and lost right?"

"Oh, are we to play a game my bird?" Drusilla smiled her mouth cutting a sinister slit from ear to ear.

"Yeah Dru, any game you want."

"I have such wonderful toys…" She began to perk up at the thought of all the games. "I must prepare, they cannot see… to young, too young to understand." Drusilla danced down the hall happy to have someone to play with.

Angelus walked past Spike pretending to accidently bump into him then walked away in the direction of Drusilla. The other vampires who had stood around silently began to roam around trying to find their own places to sleep.

Spike did the same finding a corner of the mansion away from the rest. It was a library caked in dust, books scattered with pages torn from their bindings. Against the wall a large leather couch looked comfy enough to crash on. Pulling his duster around his shoulders as he curled up against its soft arm Spike went to sleep wondering how he could find a way to leave his family.

A/N : I always felt that if Angel had never gotten his soul back Spike would have just been his punching bag. Not that Spike isn't tough but even in the show when Angelus came back Spike was bullied by him. These thoughts lead me to add some rituals and customs of wolfs into the vampire mythology. Why? Because I can.

Angelus is not the leader because he is the biggest or strongest but because of his attitude. For wolfs domination is more psychological than physical. This is also called "ritual bluffing".


	3. Undercover

**Undercover**

"I swear there must be some big neon sign hanging over this town that only monsters can see. I bet it says 'vacancy' or something. That's the only explanation," Buffy suddenly started speaking to her friends as they waited in line at the Bronze. Both Xander and Willow were caught off guard by her sudden outburst. They had all been standing quietly in line. She fidgeting with a rock by her shoe, they not making eye contact. Not to mention Buffy had not initiated a conversation in days and seemed to have been avoiding them during the day. Assuming it was part of her grief process to be distant they wanted to help by taking her mind off of losing Riley. However it was a surprise when she accepted their invitation.

"Whoa, slow down for a second. I think you started the conversation without us. What explains what?" Xander asked.

"It explains the last couple of days." Buffy crossed her arms and looked around to make sure no one was paying attention. "The cemeteries have been calm, and no graves have been disturbed, yet I still managed to stake four new vamps. Judging by their clothes they couldn't have been local."

"So… some new group of vampires has come to Sunnydale?" Willow whispered conspiratorially.

"That's what the signs are pointing too."

"Problem solved. Find them and stake them like you always do."

"I wish it was a little harder than that Xander. They are laying low. No mauling or brutal attacks have been reported in the newspaper and no one's been reported missing. I'm worried they might be waiting for something."

"Then why are you standing here in line with us? Shouldn't you be out hunting them down?"

"It's only eight. Besides I thought I'd just hang out with my friends for a change. You know forego the slayer duties for a night." Buffy smiled but her friends did not appreciate her joke so she quickly changed to serious mode before they got worried. "I'm also hoping one of our new neighbors will wander in tonight. Picking up people in bars and clubs is a good low key cover. If one tries anything I might even be able to follow them home."

"Oh, kinda like undercover Buffy. Play the innocent not super powerful slayer. Sneaky." Willow said brightening up at the idea of being spies.

"I have my moments. Now come on I only have a few hours before I have to hit the streets." Buffy took her friends hands and lead them inside once the bouncer had let them pass. The beats energized the Slayer as she took to the dance floor. There was something liberating about the rhythm of steady beats that touched a more primitive side of Buffy. As she swayed to the music she felt the frustrations of her life lift, the pulse letting her melt into the crowd to become another girl.

* * *

Soft lighting mixed with bad decorations and no liquor at the bar made for one nauseating night for Spike. This whole place was an affront to his taste and he resented Angelus for picking him to go out and hunt tonight. Tracking down the homeless and occasional drunken school girl was a job for one of the fledgling's but over the last couple of days four had not returned home so the job now fell to him.

_The dolts were probably trying to grab people right off the streets_, Spike thought as he looked around the building. _Idiots deserved to be dust_.

Spike pulled a metal flask from inside his jacket and took a swig. The bartender looked like he might say something but a surly glare shut him up. With a sneer he went back to scouting the herd for victims. Every where he looked some adolescent was writhing to the music pretending to be something they were not; mostly a good dancer. Sitting back at the edge of the bar Spike hoped he'd find someone soon to take back to the mansion. His patience for waiting and stalking was running thin and the techno beats were causing a massive headache. Spike had always been a smash and grab kind of vampire. Laying low and waiting for dinner to come to him was not his style. To pull this off he needed someone alone, vulnerable and hopefully slutty. Women (or men) willing to sleep with strangers had always been an easy target. From the 60's up until the early 80's had been a great time. Starting with the trust of the hippie movement ending with the fast pace decadence of Wall Street. Most people were so unaware of their surrounding's they didn't even care where you were leading them or that you just killed their best friend on the couch next to them.

Now women were trying to express their independence by making a guy wait. That or they just did not trust a stranger with all the diseases going around. Not to mention that, despite what the media would have you believe people where not nearly as drugged out as they once had been. This return to polite society reminded Spike of the Victorian era he had hated with all their rules and courteousness. It made him want to spit in the face of the general public.

Spike was beginning to give up his search in the dinky little night club wondering what he would do next. It would have been easier to ambush someone in the streets but that was too risky. Until Angelus could figure out what to do with the slayer everyone was ordered to lay low. So a smash and grab was out of the question. He could try to lure a kid away with candy but that always gave him a dirty feeling. Although he was a demon there were still something's even he had to admit are wrong.

As he considered his options for a meal the crowd parted for a moment and Spike saw a flash of red hair. It was the first thing to catch his attention all night. Spike stared along the sea of bodies until he saw her again. She was ill at ease on the dance floor and a little thin for his taste but something told him she was trusting. If he couldn't find slutty this type of girl was next best. Shy and nerdy always melted with a little bad boy attention. With a little charm he might be able to convince her to let him walk her home then knock her out and drag her the rest of the way to the mansion.

Ready to get the nights assignment over with he began to make his way to the red head but suddenly faltered when the person she was dancing with came into view. The two had changed places and the new girl was now standing closest to him. She was everything the red head was not. Blonde, with a petite frame, she moved with a grace and purpose on the dance floor no one else around her could. He could tell from the rigidness of her shoulders she wasn't trusting like her friend, nor was she the slutty type judging by the cut of her clothes. This was the type of girl most vampires would ignore due to the complications they would cause. The kind to fight you tooth and nail, maybe even get away if you weren't prepared enough. Most cautious vampires looking to score a warm meal would avoid her at all cost however Spike knew this was the one he had been waiting for.

Unable to move from his spot Spike sat back down with a heavy sigh. He was mesmerized by the blonde on the dance floor as she laughed with her friend. The smooth, pale skin of her neck exposed as she stopped to listen to something the red head said. Under the cheap fluorescent lights she glowed. Then Spike saw her turn and look directly at him. Her pale eyes held a chill to them when she looked in his direction. As she appraised him the narrowed finding something they didn't like, then suddenly with a smirk she turned away. That was all Spike needed to regain his purpose as he stood up and walked over to them.

"Dinner is served."

* * *

"Don't look now. I said don't look!" Willow squealed as Buffy turned to look in the direction of the man at the bar she had just pointed out.

"You can't tell a person not to look and expect them to listen." Buffy pointed out after she had gotten a good look at the 80's flash back in the corner.

"I think he's checking you out."

"He's not my type." Buffy bit out with more disapproval than she meant to.

"It's too soon isn't it? How insensitive can I be? I'm sorry, I just…" Willow panicked.

"Will, it's ok." Buffy placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. " I know you just want me to move on. But trust, that guy is so not my type."

"Well whether you're ready or not, he's coming over here."

* * *

Heat was radiating from the blonde and her heart beat was strong drowning out music around him. Everyone else's was rapid and erratic, but hers stayed calm among the chaos. It was a well conditioned heart, good at endurance Spike thought as he moved a little closer. Part of him swore he could feel it vibrating in his own chest. He equated the sensation to the thrill of the hunt, this need he felt to touch her, caress her, to sink his fangs into her neck. Spikes tongue darted out between his lips tasting the air in anticipation. He was brought back to reality though when she quickly spun around holding a hand out to keep him at a distance.

Still dancing Buffy questioned the guy now before her. "Can I help you?"

"Jus' wanted to see if you'd mind a partner." Spike smiled softly and bowed his head knowing it made him look boyish.

"I have one thanks," Buffy said motioning towards Willow.

"Actually I'm sitting this one out. You two go ahead." Willow felt bad for leaving her friend but she thought Buffy could really use the attention of a guy right now to make her feel better. Although dressed a little rough in combat boots and a tight blue t-shirt he seemed ok to Will plus he was hot.

"But Will…"

Willow leaned in to whisper in her ear. "It's ok. He's cute, just dance with him. For me? We've been dancing nonstop. It's not like he's taking you home." With that she waved and ran over to the table Xander had been occupying.

Spike laughed hearing the two girls talk about him. He had been right about the red head. With her help he'd seduce her friend in no time.

"Looks like you need a new dance partner." His shy smile widened and offered her his hand.

"Fine, to appease my friend, but before we dance just know this; you're not my type."

With a shrug he took her hand and led her further onto the dance floor. "I can live with that." He whispered in her ear as the pace of the music began to pick up.

The slayer smiled and pushed Spike away at arm's length but she stayed on the dance floor picking up where she had left off. Her body swayed and he could see the muscles on her back harden as she raised her arms into the air. She wore simple jeans and a tank top but as far as Spike was concerned she might as well have been covered from head to toe. His imagination had never been his strong point. What he needed was contact to visualize the full body, but he was wary to touch her in case she stormed away. He needed her to come willingly, to feed his own sense of pride, so he kept his hands to himself.

However she wasn't making it easy for the demon. Her body bent and twisted exposing a bit of mid drift here a peek at her collar bone there. Spike watched as one of her hands ran up her thigh wanting desperately to know that touch. For someone who didn't like him she sure was acting the tease and doing a damn good job of riling him up by squeezing ever ounce of sensuality from her movements. Spike licked his lips and dared to step a little closer. When she did not object he tried to move closer but Buffy had beat him to it. With a graceful spin she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck. Now they danced together swaying under flashing light and tacky decoration. Spike was pleased to be able to feel how small her waist was under his hands. Although Buffy still kept some distance between them she allowed parts of herself to brush against him. Spike tensed as her leg slipped between his then disappeared, only to then feel a finger caressing the back of his neck. She was strong but gentle and her fleeting touches brought to mind the whisper of silk as it slips through your fingers. Spike closed his eyes happy to be lost in the sensation, wondering not for the first time if he should keep her to himself instead of sharing with his family.

Spike felt as she turned in his arms to lean her back against his chest. He took shallow empty breaths filling his lungs with her scent. Then nothing, the music had stopped and she was walking away. Not wanting to lose his dinner Spike reached out and grabbed her forearm. He felt her tense in his grip but did not let go.

"Where are you going?" He said trying to sound gentle.

"Not that you need to know but I'm leaving."Buffy answered without turning to face him.

"Won't you at least exchange names?"

"No," she said easily shaking his hand from her. The slayer walked through the crowd and disappeared out a side door.

Spike was ready to follow her out when a slender arm across his shoulder stopped him. A small blonde had come up to him and as trying to catch his interest by drawing attention to her breast.

"I wouldn't bother with her," She said leaning in to whisper in his ear. "She's not good enough for you."

"Oh I shouldn't now? You know someone better?"

The new girl laid a kiss against his shoulder. "You need someone at least willing to give you her name. I'm April by the way."

"Well April, I'm Spike. How's about we leave this place and join up with some of my mates." April smiled in agreement as he linked his arm through hers. Disappointed at having to settle for this blonde instead of the one he wanted Spike made his way to the front door.


	4. I Got A Plan

AU: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, tv - movie – comic.

Rated: M for violence, sex and language

Four more chapters to update then I can get back to the story.

**I've Got A Plan**

"Good morning everyone." Buffy waved to Xander and Willow as they walked through the door of the magic shop. Buffy was sitting on the counter with heaps of books surrounding her. To her friends surprise she wore the same outfit from last night.

"Look at you all happy and bubbly this morning." Xander commented finding a place on the counter next to her.

"I had a good night, what can I say?" Buffy put the book she had been reading away and tried to clean the mess of papers around her.

"So that guy was your type after all?" Willow observed, concluding that Buffy's rough appearance was a result of her encounter from last night.

"Oh, yuck no." Buffy laughed scrunching her nose like she had caught the scent of something rotten. "That peroxide punk rock look is so not my thing. For a while I thought he might be a vampire and tried to get him to follow me."

Xander cut her off with an elaborate show of arm waving as he stammered out his response. "Whoa-wait right there. He may have been a blood sucker and you danced with him? Gross." He then proceeded to brush the invisible filth from his person.

"There's no way for me to know for sure. So I took a chance." She shrugged. "Besides I was wrong, he didn't follow me out."

"But we saw him leave with you." Willow said as a look of worry crossed her face.

"I left alone." Buffy's chipper demeanor started to fade as the implications of what this could mean came over her.

"He walked out with a blonde." Willows voice was now a whisper.

"It wasn't me."

"So if you were right about him…" Xander interjected with a reproachful tone.

"Please don't finish that thought." Buffy suddenly felt sick to her stomach and slid off the counter. It's my fault if she died, Buffy thought going over all the things she did wrong last night. All the things she could have done to save that one girl. Willow saw her distress and hugged her from behind for comfort.

"It's alright; you can't be everywhere at once. You would have had him if that other girl hadn't appeared. Besides like you said we don't know for sure." This was meant to be reassuring but Buffy felt anything but that. The girl was dead and they all knew it.

Buffy looked down at the floor not wanting to see the disappointment in her friends eyes.

"Do me a favor. Don't tell Giles." They nodded in agreement. What had happened couldn't be undone and they all knew the watcher didn't need to know the Slayer had failed. He would just berate her with a sizable vocabulary except Buffy could punish herself more than he ever could with words.

With the decision made the man in question came strolling through the door seemingly more tense than usual. Still when he saw them standing by the counter he perked up to regain his normal dreary composure.

"What are you all doing here?" He asked putting more books down on the counter.

"It's Saturday." Buffy looked up to great him with the same enthusiasm she had done with the others.

"Oh, so it is…"

"You're late."

"Well I've been preoccupied researching the question you asked over a week ago." Giles nervously took his glasses off and started wiping them off on his shirt.

"Where slayers come from?" Buffy licked her lips as she shifted from one leg to the other unable to hide her eagerness. The answer to all her questions could be moments away and Buffy didn't think she could wait another second.

"That's the one." Giles never broke his eye contact as he gave her the bad news. "I'm sorry Buffy but there is no information. I even called a colleague at the London office."

I knew it was too easy she thought.

Giles watched as his slayers hopes diminished with his news. She had counted on him for some insignificant information that proved too hard to obtain. A small request really and he had botched it. When no one at the counsel would answer his questions he had started researching and rereading every book he knew to have ever mentioned the Slayer. It proved fruitless since the information was already known to them. One book had mentioned a kind of codex but shortly after requesting more information a friend had called to let him know further inquiries could have him removed from his current assignment. That would render him completely useless so he took their advice and stopped searching.

"How can you guys spend centuries watching us and never think to write something down?" Buffy's eyes weld with tears but her voice stayed steady. She just needed to vent and he was the one in front of her. "Didn't anyone think to keep a journal?"

"It's against the rules to write specifics about the slayer." He moved closer so they were only a few steps away from one another. How could he make her understand that the information, although important to her, meant nothing to the counsel? She already doubted herself; he couldn't contribute to her also doubting the system she served. "If the information ever got in the wrong hands…Evil would have the greatest tool to destroy the Slayer. How a Slayer is made, what she does with her life... We are just content in being allowed to be part of the moment" His voice cracked begging for forgiveness.

"Well I'm not. I'm not content." Buffy wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

"Please don't look at me like that."

Buffy's features softened as she realized she was making her watcher feel bad. "I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault." She closed the gap between them and gave him a reassuring hug. Now was not the time to alienate someone who had only tried to help. "I know you did everything you could, but if there's no information then there's no information."

Buffy took a deep breath and pulled together her cheerful face. She ushered everyone to the back table and motioned for them to sit down. She continued to stand placing her hands flat against the polished surface to add impact to what she was about to say.

"Now to address a more important issue; we still don't know who these new vampires are, how many or where they are hiding." She looked around to each of them to make sure they followed her. "I don't know about you but I don't like that."

"Yes, well that's fine you don't approve but unless you have an idea as to how to answer these questions it's useless." Giles stated falling back into his dry banter.

A smile crossed her lips as Buffy paused taking in her moment of authority. She had been working on this response all night. "It's time to stop shooting and to start asking questions."

"I don't think anyone will be very forth coming while you're fighting them." Xander mentioned.

"That's why I'm going to hold one hostage." Buffy waited for the support that never came.

"That's absurd! You don't take prisoners. You find one, you kill it." Xander was out of his chair spazing out the only way he could when he was faced with something difficult to comprehend. "It's a time tested approach that never fails you can't change it now!"

"I have to agree with Xander. You weren't meant to restrain demons. No good can come of this." Even Giles wasn't on her side. Buffy's mood sank a little but she was determined to make her friends see the logic in her plan.

"There is a large group of vampires hiding out on the hellmouth. Call me crazy but I'd like to know about the apocalypse before its minutes away from happening."

"Buffy's right guys. Knowing their plans can only help." Willow squeezed her hand lending the Slayer what little support and courage she could.

"But how do we keep a vampire locked up? Have you even thought about that?" Xander was starting to calm down.

"I'm glad you asked." Buffy beamed as she ran and got the books and scrap paper she had been looking over before everyone had come. She spread them out on the table for everyone to see."I did some research this morning instead of going home. I'm going to need your guys help though to pull this off." When no one objected she continued to unveil her strategy.

"I'll hold it in my basement. Willow and Giles you two will have to create a containment seal on the floor. Carve it in. I don't want to take the chance of it breaking or rubbing off. You can find the seal I want in the tome of Enthal. Xander I need you to go hang crosses lots of them and find me some chains."

Willow and Xander both looked at the paper's she had spread out. Xander managed an impressed whistle while Willow began to perk up at the sketch of the seal.

"Wow Buffy… this is really thought out…I mean especially for one day."

The slayer gave a sheepish grin at her friends compliment. This was an elaborate plan she had cooked up no doubt but part of her felt bad taking all the credit. Not even she was sure how she had known what books to collect. Part of her barely remembered getting off patrol duty and coming to the magic shop. Before she knew it the sun was up and she was neck deep in dusty old books.

"This is a bad idea." Giles interrupted. He would help her in any endeavor she undertook, but he wanted her to at least know he wasn't happy about this.

"Then don't help, but I'm doing this."

* * *

Screams could be heard from every corner of the mansion, reverberating and clawing at Spikes last nerve. Ever since he had returned Angelus and Drusilla had been held up in their rooms torturing April periodically throughout the night. Spike found too much pain soured the taste, but for Angelus and Dru blood was like wine and only got better with time. He listened as her low insistent cries swelled like a finely conducted orchestra only to crash at the climax leaving Spike with an off-putting feeling in his stomach.

Small moans of pain escaped her lips, something smothered her cries. Spike felt his eye twitch.

It's not that he cared if this girl lived or died, if Angelus and Dru hadn't been so greedy in the first place he would have been the one to kill her anyway. It was the way he knew she was going to die. Those two were a credit to their species and masters at their craft. Spike had once witnessed them torture a guy for a full week before the man swallowed his own tongue to escape them. The worst, he remembered, was when Darla was still part of the dysfunctional family. Torture never stopped at humans but extended to the rest of the family as well. Some of his worst scars had been given to him by them.

Sex, blood and mayhem for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Those were the golden years in his young unlife. He had Drusilla and was being taught how to inflict pain by the best. At one point it had lost its spark though.

Unable to find pleasure in his former studies Spike tagged along like a reluctant child, disappointing his family at not having acquired their taste for blood lust. Sure he would feed on or kill anything offered him, even slept with a few but these moments gave him nothing. If his family saw his gusto failing they would send Dru to him because she had a way of making him do anything. For her he had killed children and Slayers. He thought he loved her back then, told her as much once, but she had informed him dead things only fester. So now he searched for satisfaction elsewhere unable to find it.

Now that the sun had risen all he wanted was to sleep, but Aprils shrill pleads kept him up. One more gut retching scream. To spare his ears Spike jumped out of bed and marched to their room throwing open the doors.

"Fuckin twats! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Spike was unaffected by the brutal scene before him. Where most people would have run to the corner to vomit he paid it as much attention as a fly on the wall. He didn't miss a step as he strolled over the naked body of Drusilla on the floor. She was covered in blood, rolling like a child in the grass, how much blood was hers or another's he did not know and did not care. Against the bed post April was tied up. She was a bloody mess, her hair caked with dried blood, bruises against her thigh, and cuts along her arm. The only thing holding her up was the rope stringing her between the bed post, the rest of her body a jumble of useless broken parts.

This doesn't bother me, Spike told himself.

Around her neck a sash was placed. Spike knew Angelus liked to strangle his victims until they passed out and sure enough she was bruised there too. When he got closer Spike noticed her right eye socket was oozing. This must have been the cause of the last scream, because the gunk was still flowing. By all accounts this girl should be dead, but her frail body struggled for air, even though her mind had given up a while ago.

Angelus stood by April's side cupping a breast with a rough hand.

"Darlings come to rescue her?" Dru crooned as she rubbed blood along her arms "My sweet sweet William."

"Shut up Dru." Spike bit out never looking away from his leader.

"No need to get testy. What can I do you for?" Angelus smiled playing with the unconscious girl.

"Make her bloody stop screaming. I can't sleep with all the noise she's making."

"Conscience bothering you? Feeling bad?" Angelus teased.

The implication that Spike could feel guilt was a blow to his demon hood. He prickled and sneered challenging his grandsire.

"Just get it over with. She's no good dead."

"Dru did say you were always too fast. Women like to be wooed Spike!" Angelus, unfazed by the challenge, came up beside him and slipped his arm around his. Leading Spike over to April Angelus proceeded to gently run a finger across her unprotected body. "See I like to get to know my partners. I'm old fashioned that way I guess." He stoked her check adoringly like a lover would. "April here has a sister. She enjoys the movie The Note Book and she has always wanted to go to Spain."

"Sack it." Spike spit on the floor to show he wasn't interested.

"How'd you get so screwed up Spike?" Angelus returned his attentions to his grandchild. A look of concern crossed his eyes. "You never understood it's not good enough to just kill them. That's a mercy these filthy excuses for a species should not receive. Death is too good for them. To separate our self's from them we must show them what we see and make them hate their own existence."

"No one does that better 'n you." Spike said with all sincerity.

Angelus produced a knife from the back of his pants pocket. It was curved with serrated edges half way down the blade. The metal had turned a cloudy black from not having the blood washed off it. Spike saw Angelus reach for the girl's breast. Having seen this before he knew Angelus was about to mutilate the poor girl further.

Spike had enough of hearing her scream. Before Angelus could place the blade against her skin Spike had quickly reached out and snapped her neck.

"You really shouldn't have done that." Angelus was on top of him in a second, his hands around the others neck. Although it was pointless to try and suffocate a vampire, it had been a natural reaction to go for the throat. Spike sent a fist across his face causing the older vampire to lose his hold, then pushed him forcefully into the wall. Angelus followed with a punch to the stomach that sent Spike a few steps back. Angelus lunged head butting Spike in the chest while wrapping his arms around his waist to tackle him to the floor. While on top Angelus proceeded to slam the back of Spikes skull against the marble flooring.

When it looked like his grandchild had had enough Angelus let go and let Spikes head hit the floor. "I really don't know what to do with you Spike. You have too much humanity left in you. I tried beating it out of you but it fouls up the air and makes me want to end your suffering." He stroked his jaw tenderly as if all those years of suffering had been for his own good. "Still your death would be such a waste. You're still one of the strongest family members I have if not the most brutal. Tell me, what would you do in my place?"

"I'd probably just kill myself for being such an ugly bastard."

Angelus delivered the final blow across Spikes left eye. He slumped in his arms and Angelus laid a kiss against his forehead.

"Wrong answer."

Drusilla crawled over to her two men and kissed both tenderly on the mouth licking the blood that was smeared on each of them. She had ignored their fight, knowing it was coming. They never got along and these daily struggles of dominance bored her. "Toys are all broken." She purred against Angelus's neck. "We three could have a bit of fun. The door will ring soon then there will be no time."

"Sorry Dru but I'm afraid he put me off my appetite. No more playing."

* * *

The phone was ringing but he didn't have a phone. So what was ringing? Spike slowly opened his eyes. Underneath him was a hard wooden floor, above him a ceiling and two walls on either side. He had been left in the hall…with a phone? No, his head was ringing. At least there's no more screaming he thought contented. He closed his eyes not caring he was getting ready to go back to sleep in a hallway.

"Spike, Angelus wants to see you." It was a nobody fledgling come to give him a message. Slowly Spike lifted his hand off the ground and extended his middle finger.

"Come on Spike. It's important." He sounded worried. "We had a visitor. A watcher."

Spikes eyes shot open. "Ruddy hell." He groaned as he forced his body to react.

"Just get downstairs." The nobody ran off not even offering to help Spike up.

* * *

Spike came to the foyer where everyone had already gathered. Angelus sat on the stairs like they where his throne with Drusilla draped across his lap, still naked and covered in blood.

"I hear we had a guest." Spike took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and proceeded to light one. Taking his time in hope it irritated Angelus he was made to wait. "Please tell me you killed it."

"I would have, but it seems the council wants our help."

Spike froze in his spot. In all the centuries these two factions had existed a truce had never been made and help had never been asked for. Watchers were to tight assed to ever stray and the things that went bump in the night to untrustworthy. "Like fuckin hell they did."

"It surprised me too, but the offer was too great to pass up. It seems the Slayer has more enemy's than she thinks. The high counsel wants her dead. Says she's lived to long." Angelus shrugged showing his disinterest for their motives.

"Why us?"

"Simple, we're the ones here. They can't let anyone know they are the ones calling out the hit on their Slayer. Bad for business you know."

"We were going to try and kill her any way. Why work with them?" Spike didn't like where there was going. It unsettled him to think about working with the watchers.

"Because they know her plan." Angelus stroked Drusilla like a cat while looking Spike up and down. The smile he gave was sickening dripping with malevolence. "You're going out again tonight Spike, find her, but don't kill her." Spike looked quizzically around wondering if anyone else found this odd. No one returned his glances. Even the nobody that had fetched him pretended to be staring at a wall. "You're going to let her take you captive and tell her everything you know."

A/N: Once upon a time when I posted this I started getting comments about how absurd it was that Watchers didn't keep a book on the slayers. Keep reading. It will all make sense.


	5. How to torture without really trying

A/N- Thank you to the person who pointed out my line breaks where not showing up. Also thank you all who have been reviewing. I'm glad to know I'm not bad.

Also I have been getting comments about some discrepancies between my story and the show. Such as me having Darla leave, Riley dead, no Anya and saying the watchers don't write about the slayer (Never said they don't keep diaries. I can't go too far into it though because it plays a part later on). Just a reminder I said before I started, I'm not following the TV show.

**How to torture someone without really trying**

Empty, the night was empty. The sky was an endless abyss with nothing as much as a cloud hanging in it. The houses along the street were dark, closed off against the shadows. Nothing seemed to be roaming the streets; no one was coming home from a late dinner. No teenage lovers sneaking out to steal a shag in the nearby park. Even the stray cats seemed to be someplace else. To a daemon like Spike, who was used to hearing every breath and heart beat, the silence was deafening. His footsteps echoed on the pavement of a pathway between two buildings. Back and forth he marched with his duster following behind him. He did this until the nothing drowning him was too much to take and he began talking out loud just to hear again.

"They made me bait, they fuckin made me bait!" Spike punched the wall leaving a small crack in the siding where his fist had connected. "Why should I find the slayer for those ungrateful chits? Piss off the lot of them." This was his chance to leave he thought as he looked down both ends of the alley. At one end he had his car waiting for him. He could finally do what he had always wanted and leave his dysfunctional family behind. At the other end he would have to find the Slayer and face possible torture and death. "Bloody wankers gonna get his way. Slayers either gonna kill me or I'll have to leave disgraced. Angelus wins no matter what." Sighing he looked at the residential street to his left and quickly turned in the direction of his car. Spike had decided a slayer wasn't worth dying over tonight.

Ba-dum…Ba-dum. A heart beat. It had suddenly appeared out on the street and he hadn't even heard it coming. Curiosity got the better of him as he turned around to peer behind the corner. Surveying the area he noticed the sidewalks where empty and no one appeared to be out on their porch. Then in the lamp light he caught sight of her. It was the same girl from the Bronze sitting on a wall at the other end of the development.

Without thinking he stepped out onto the dimly lit street. He had missed his chance the other night to kill her, but he wasn't going to let this opportunity slip by him. It was the least the fates could do for him; to give him a parting gift before leaving this hell hole.

"What's up luv?" He said stopping in front of her. Buffy looked down unstartled by his appearance at her feet.

"Hello stranger." She beamed making Spike smile in return. Even though he did not know her she put him at ease every time he got near her, like seeing an old friend after years apart. This was unsettling to the daemon part of him and hated her for that, so he reminded himself he was here to slit her throat.

"All alone late at night? No one wachin over you?"

"The dark doesn't scare me. Besides I'm tougher than I look." She lifted up her right arm and curled her bicep to show off the muscle under her shirt. Spike let out a small laugh as he imagined the skinny little thing in front of him fighting off anything bigger than a poodle, let alone an attacker such as himself.

"Still a lot of big bad's come out at night." He stepped closer so his body was between her legs. He was trying to provoke her so he could hear her blood race. Instead the beat stayed steady and she extended her hand.

"I'm Buffy."

"My mates call me Spike," he said accepting the offered hand.

"So tell me Spike." Buffy leaned down. "Did you kill her?"

"What?" He tried to pull his hand away but her grip was to strong. Any harder and he was sure she would crush his hand.

Buffy's features hardened turning into something threatening. "The girl from the Bronze; Did you kill her?"

Spike regained his composure as it dawned on him who he was facing. He met her eyes and held her hand as tightly as she was holding his. "You, you're the slayer? I expected you to be a bit taller."

Buffy brought her knees down on his shoulders as she pushed off the wall. They fell to the ground landing with his head between her thighs. "Never believe everything you hear." When he looked up he saw her fist about to connect with his nose. He moved his head just in time to feel her brush past his cheek and connect with cement.

_I should have never turned around,_ he growled to himself bringing the sides of his hands to slam against her waist. Buffy took a sharp breath in as Spike then pushed her off his chest. The force was so great she flew back into the wall with a thunk and fell.

"Don't conk out on me now Slayer, I barely touched ya." Spike was up shifting from one foot to the other, his hands ready to deal another punch for when she got up. Although he could have hit her while she was down, he wanted this fight to last. A fair fight could arouse the daemon in him like nothing else and it had been a long time since he had fought someone other than Angelus. There had been those few times with Dru but she fought dirty and that was only so he could sleep with her. Few humans realized that fighting was just as much a part of vampires mating as the actual sex. Not that he was trying to mate with Buffy, he thought, just that it had been a while since he had found any woman able to keep up with him.

Spike quickly blocked another punch aimed for his jaw. He back handed her but Buffy didn't flinch. Instead she spun to the ground with her leg poised for a sweep kick that nearly got him. Impressed by her agility Spike smiled despite himself. Any normal human girl would have been dead by now but Buffy could fight back and take a punch as well, even better than, any vampire.

Distracted by his thoughts; Spike was caught off guard. Buffy jumped up into a round house that landed across the side of his head. He stumbled back; shaking the blow off then charged her. He got his arms around her waist and pinned her to the wall. He took his time pressing his body against hers. It was too late for him to leave the city now that the slayer had found him. She would either trap him or kill him. Since he had already decided he did not want to die tonight the only option left was be bait but first he wanted to feel her underneath him. As strong as she was she was warm and soft in all the right places. Spike let out a growl as the mask fell and his daemon appeared. Buffy head butted him in the forehead and he dropped her. A side kick to the stomach and he fell into the street. She was on top of him again, this time with a stake placed against his heart.

"Ya got me Slayer." Spike threw his arms to the sides mimicking the crucifixion.

"I told you I was tougher than I look." Buffy's other hand slid behind her back to produce a syringe.

"Wait a sec, what you think you're gonna do with that?"As she plunged it into Spikes neck he was able to let out an OW! before his body went numb and collapsed on the road.

Buffy stood up and stretched, testing her body for any signs of injury. She looked around to make sure no one could see them. When she was sure it was safe she waved in the direction of a one story, run down bungalow across the street. The windows were barred as well as the door. Any visible land to speak of was dirt and weeds, but this shabby little plot of land was all she could afford since her mother had moved back to LA last year.

Peeking out of the barred window was Giles who had been anticipating the brawls end. Seeing Buffy was safe he rushed out the door and into the street. Wordlessly he grabbed one end of Spike as she grabbed the other and they brought him inside the house. Xander and Willow where in the kitchen when hearing their arrival they started clearing the table so the others would have a place to put the vampire.

Morning had been spent going over the plan and the responsibilities of each individual. All worked wordlessly as they completed their designated task. Buffy removed Spikes jacket and shirt as Xander placed manacles around his leg. Willow began to draw runes on his chest once that was done.

When they were ready Buffy lifted up a rug from the floor and opened the hatch that lead to a cellar.

The floor had been laid with cement, a single bulb hung from the ceiling and a hot water heater was in the corner. Normally this space would have been used for storage but Buffy had taken everything out, except a metal pipe, so nothing could be used as a weapon in case he escaped.

Presently the cellar was transformed in to an eerie sanctuary. Crosses of a wide diversity rattled and clanked suspended from above. Some at head level others reaching to the floor. If Spike even attempted to stand up he would be burned. Although it would not stop him from escaping it would at least slow him down.

In the center the containment seal was carved into the floor. The outside was a circle with three points of a triangle touching the edges. Runes had been drawn around the inside. Buffy did not know the meaning of the symbols but according to the book she had read it was to keep evil enclosed.

Giles part of the plan was up when Spikes body had been arranged and chained inside the seal. He cut Spikes arm letting the blood drip into a bowl. He added some herbs then began to make the sign for Saturn around seal to close it.

For a moment they all stood looking at the work they had done.

"You need to leave." Buffy never looked at her friends

"No, where staying." Xander protested. He wanted to be there when the blood sucker woke up incase Buffy needed help.

"I don't know when he'll wake up and I don't want you guys to see what I'm about to do."

"We understand yours is not an envois task. Later we'll come back to check on you." Giles ushered the other two to the steps leaving his watcher alone in the dark.

* * *

As the sun rose Spike still hadn't recovered from the injection of horse tranquilizers Buffy had given him earlier. Worried she had administered too much she walked around the circle looking for a sign of life. With time passing Buffy thought she may have killed him.

_He had a kind face… I had really hoped I was wrong about him. What could he have been if he had never died_… Buffy shook her head of the intruding thoughts. Humanizing him was not going to help the situation once he woke up. She was here to extract information not make friends.

Keeping herself busy to escape her thoughts Buffy double checked the chains pinning him to the floor. Spike was in a kneeling position with his hands tied behind his back. Each arm was hooked up to a shackle leading to opposite ends of the cellar. Around his neck more chains where looped, attached to the floor so he had to double over. Buffy ran her hand down the chain connected to his neck and tugged to see if it was secure.

"Watch it Slayer. You should never get this close, I might bite."

Buffy quickly pulled her hand to her chest startled by his sudden recovery. "How long have you been awake?"

"A few minutes."

_What do I do_? She thought. _How do you begin to torture someone_?

Nervous she began to pace back and forth. Disposing of daemons is what she did on a daily basis. It never occurred to her that torturing one would make her feel different. After all a soulless freak was a soulless freak, but without fighting involved what she was doing made her feel ashamed. She began to panic at the thought of having to see his face, the blood that would stain the cement. Giles was right she wasn't meant for this.

"So you gonna ask any questions or did you just want to see me tied up?"

Everything felt wrong. Buffy's head was swimming and she could feel her stomach turning. She needed air, to regroup and collect. When the next wave of nausea came over her she climbed the narrow steps to her kitchen.

* * *

"This isn't good Buffy. Are you sure he said his name is Spike?" Willow was on the other line trying to research Buffy's captive vampire from the books at the magic shop. Buffy had hoped to find information that would give her leverage to make him talk since torturing was leading nowhere. So far nothing was coming up.

"Yes."

"It says here Spike is a member of the Order of Arillius. One of the oldest and baddest of the vampire families."

"What does it say about him?"

"He was originally called William the Bloody. Later he got the nick name Spike by torturing his victims with rail road spikes." Buffy heard Willow trying to hide a gasp. "He's killed two slayers."

"Thanks Will I think that's enough information."

* * *

Spike poised himself to appear bored when he heard the creak of the hatch opening. He would have never known she was coming down otherwise since her foot steps on the stairs were silent and went unnoticed.

"So you back to beat on me more?"

Buffy didn't answer as she positioned her back against the wall behind him. Earlier she had let him get to her but this time around she was determined to show she could be ruthless and in control. Before Buffy came down she had even practiced in her mind what she was going to say and do. Shed ask a question, he would answer after a few punches and she's stake him, but now that she was down there with him shame rushed back making her afraid to lose her nerve again.

_Forget that he looks human._

"Not very good at this are we? I should know see 'n how I've been tortured by the best." Spike hoped he could get her mad enough to speak or at least move. It unsettled him to have his back facing her. "I'm not in pain and you haven't asked a question yet."

"They were all out of Torture for dummies at the library. But I did manage to find one book…what was it about? Oh yeah, torture with railroad Spikes."

"Read my bio did ya?" He tilted his head to the side trying to look over his shoulder. When he could see part of her torso he gave her a wink he hoped she would notice. "I have managed to make a name for myself."

"All those people…Why? How could you do it?" It bothered Buffy that she was so troubled over reason lately. This question was not what she had practiced upstairs; however she found the task of thrashing the enemy more difficult than originally believed to be. She needed a reason to hate him. The information Willow had given was not enough. Giles had always told her what she needed to know about an opponent and that had been enough. Now that she had the actual person she found herself compelled to hear his side of the story as if it mattered.

"I was born bad sweets. No reason behind any of it."

"So was I." Buffy's voice trailed off when she realized she was sharing privileged information but not before Spike heard the weariness in her voice.

Words and emotions were spewing from her mouth; furthermore she didn't know how to stop them. Buffy gave herself a mental smack across the face. She was doing exactly what she said she wouldn't do, hold a conversation. She had to do something quickly to regain control of the situation. Taking a bottle of holy water from her back pocket she smashed it against his back. Where the water hit Spike blisters began to form and skin burned away leaving trails of smoke to rise. Spike cried out while his body instinctively contracted and clenched. Buffy felt better, more like herself after inflicting harm.

Before the searing pain could dissipate Buffy produced the metal pipe she had been keeping by the boiler. Slamming it against his ribs she asked. "Why is the Order of Arillius here?"

"Now that's more like it," He panted trying to get enough air into his lungs so he could speak. "We got our self's an interrogation."

She hit him again with the pipe this time hearing his ribs crack.

"Why is the Order of Arillius here?"

"Jus looking for a new home."

"Bull, no one comes to the hellmouth just looking for a place to settle down." Buffy was now in front of him pacing back and forth. She was working herself into a frenzy but she couldn't stop, this crash had been forming ever since Riley had died and picked now to surface. Being down in the cellar with Spike sent her mind in a tailspin clouding her common sense. All she wanted to do was vent her frustrations, letting the daemon in front of her take the place of everyone who had ever wronged her. At the moment Spike had no choice but to be the audience to her break down. "What's it going to be this time? Some amulet that can blow up the world? Raising some long dead bad guy to wreak havoc down town? Killer bunnies? Boring and done before. The worst part is it doesn't matter. It never ends."

"I think you need to calm down."

Buffy smacked him across the face then raised his head so Spike was looking in her eyes for the first time since he woke up. What he saw scared him. It was like she was channeling Angelus and all the horror and agony Spike saw when he tried to stare him down was reflected in her eyes.

"You, tell me to calm down? I tell you what to do."

Spike winced as a strong hand dug into the skin on his back. Feeling the tension in his muscles began to calm Buffy down as she broke away from the agonizing embrace.

"Why is the Order of Arillius here?"

"Honestly Slayer, there was no plan. Except to maybe kill you."

Spike braced himself for another attack. Instead he heard the creak of the hatch as she left leaving him to sit in misery for the next two days.


	6. Conversations with the Dead Pt 1

So, this was a hard chapter to write. In fact I'm still not done. I'm posting this into two parts because I don't want people to get bored and stop reading or think I'm not going to update.

I can't wait to get back to the action and horror… Is it wrong to put fictitious characters in horrible, dangerous, decapitating situations?

**Conversations with the Dead (Part 1)**

Two days passed before Buffy felt ready to go back down in her cellar. Scared by what she had done, of the relief she felt when Spike had tensed under her hand, Buffy had avoided him for as long as she could. Part of her just wanted to leave him to rot, but a nagging feeling kept her up at nights. Even starving a monster to death was beneath her no matter how much it deserved it.

Reluctantly she opened the hatch and descended the steps. At the bottom of the stairs she flipped a switch; the dingy light of the bulb above Spike casted a soft orange glow across his skin, darkened by the crosses swinging above him. Buffy stopped to take his appearance in. He wore the same black jeans as the night in the club, his clover white hair a contrast in the shadows, the marks Willow had placed on him fading away. Spike was just as she had left him minus the burns on his back. For the first time she saw Spike, and in the still basement he was beautiful.

"Can't say I'm happy to hear you Slayer, although being killed by you is better than wasting away. Mind making it quick?"

Coming out of her musing Buffy began to move cautiously towards him. Despite the better judgment of her friends Buffy decided the other day at the daily team meeting she would keep Spike locked in her basement for a little longer. With some more time he might be more willing to reveal more information on The Order of Aurelius. Giles and Xander had wanted her to stake him. Xander even offered to do it for her. Except Buffy was not ready to let him die, at least not while he was helpless and tied down, it was unnatural. It was her hope to get him riled up enough in order to justify her actions.

Buffy knelt in front of him watching for any sudden movement. Spike kept his head down but from the corner of his eye he could see her hand slowly slide down the chain.

_This is it_, he thought, _I'm going to die like a fucking dog. No last hurrah for old Spike. Damn Angelus and his plans. If he had listened to me the slayer would be dead already. But no he has to turn this into a bloody production. Order him to die before he harmed the Slayer. Crazy all of them._

With a twist and a heave she undid the hook connecting Spike to the floor. She even went as far as to remove the chains from his neck. The lifted weight was a welcomed relief to Spike as he tried to move his stiff neck.

At first Spike couldn't move his body. Every muscle screamed in pain, as if tiny pins were digging them self's into his skin, as he tested his new mobility. Still it felt good to move. It took a while for his muscles to respond, but slowly he sat up. Leisurely looking around he saw that Buffy was gone but the hatch was still open. This was the first time she had left and forgot to close the door. When he stretched he could see parts of what appeared to be a kitchen. From his point of view the upstairs was no better than the cellar. Both were dismal lacking any character. Then a familiar scent hit the air. Spike closed his eyes and bent back taking the glorious smell of blood deep into his lungs. He hadn't eaten in 4 days; between Angelus hogging any prey to come through the door and the ban on attacking in the streets Spike had not found time for a warm meal. The scent sent his stomach reeling making him lose control over his appearance letting his game face slip on.

Keeping her back against the wall Buffy slid over to face Spike. Still feeling guilty for imprisoning him she wanted to apologize for her behavior but didn't know how to begin. Nothing she could think of seemed appropriate. He would just have to accept the offer of food.

When Spike looked up to face her though Buffy found it easier to push her feelings aside. Facing the familiar was a comfort she had not had for the last couple of days, with the world slowly turning upside down. Seeing Spikes daemon made everything right again.

Buffy set the glass on the floor in front of him and rushed up the stairs slamming the trap door behind her.

Spike looked at the glass. "Damn chit." She had left the chains around his wrist.

A mere detail wasn't going to stop him. Swiftly he got the rim of the glass between his teeth lifting the tumbler into the air. He slurped and gulped it down, splashing the blood across his face as he sat up tilting his head back to get at the last drops. Tossing his head he let the glass fly and shatter on the floor. He licked his lips.

Not bad for animal blood. Almost warm, definitely hadn't been on ice and something else. Had she added spices? Cinnamon?

* * *

The rest of the day for Spike was a torrent of footsteps above his head. Back and forth, back and forth, from the hatch to the front door, it drummed against ears. He had thought she would get tired or leave for the morning like she sometimes did however around lunch time he was surprised to hear the door open again. She rushed down the steps skidding to a halt when she reached the wall. The Slayer always stayed with her back against the wall he noticed. Even in her own home she was paranoid that someone was going to come up behind her.

Buffy fidgeted with her hands, closing them into fist and pumping them until her knuckles turned white. Again she paced from one wall to the steps, turning sharply on her heels. Spike noted she could not make up her mind about leaving, she was troubled by something, but he could care less about the problems of slayers. Instead he focused on his annoyance at being disturbed during what should have been his bed time.

"Will you make up your mind?" His tone was sharp bringing Buffy out of her thoughts. "Stay or go. Making me nervous frankly with all you're running about."

"I can't help it your driving me crazy." She said accusingly pointing her finger at him.

"I'm the one chained up, wondering when you're going to kill me." Spike shook the chains to emphasize his point. "Not to mention I have been a perfect gentleman the whole time I've been down here."

"See there you go again. Twisting everything up." She rung her hands in the air knotting up an invisible cloth. Buffy was working herself up again trying to sound angrier than she really was. "You shouldn't be gentlemanly. You should be livid, going all bumpy. Not once have I heard you struggle to get free. You're not normal."

Now when Buffy was stressed or having to think to hard, Spike noticed her nose winkled causing her to frown. This resulted in a look that was part childish to part endearing. It softened her features creating an illusion of innocence. He had noticed the face the night at the club when she silently pleaded with her friend to stay and thought she had looked appealing enabling him to forgive her for brushing him off. Today though she had gone too far, insulting his manners and telling him what he could and could not be, she wasn't his mother. He was free to do what he damn well pleased. Although under strict orders not to touch her he could mess with her head. If her actions over the last couple of days were any indication the Slayer was bothered by something big; all Spike had to do was find the right buttons to push.

"Excuse me for not living up to your expectations. Come a little closer though and I'll be more than happy to show you my fangs. Let you see I'm all vampire." He flashed his teeth. The reaction wasn't what he had expected. Relief returned to her face, showing her his daemon side only made her more coherent, so threats were out of the question. "Want to talk about not normal, a slayer who takes prisoners. Now that's just wrong. I'm embarrassed I was caught." A flash of guilt formed across her eyes as her shoulders fell slightly. So she knew this was wrong. "Why you do it anyway?"

"I told you, I wanted information."

"Bull. You could have gottin the information from any good snitch. Know what I think? Slaying isn't cutting it any more. You wanted something new. I felt how you reacted when your hand dug into my back. Feel a tingle deep down inside? All warm and fuzzy."

"I'm not like that." Her voice sounded hurt by the accusation.

"Well I think you are. I mean I at least have a purpose. I weed out the population, kill to eat and have a little fun. It's not pleasant but it's a function. Why do you kill?"

"To save people."

"No. That's the reason they gave you. Why do YOU kill people?"

_Found it_, Spike smiled to himself. At the question Buffy's whole body sank into its self. She had no answer because this was exactly what she had been trying to find out.

"I know Slayers. It's like breathing. You don't even have to think about it, but when you try to stop… it's like your bodies hacked into a million pieces." Spike dropped the tone of his voice so it would be as rich and thick as honey. "You feel it down here don't you? Slayer blood on fire, screaming for my head. Passion clawing at your stomach. The kill satisfying you like no man ever could. Know what Slayers are? A bunch of psychopaths running around, murdering people, and they call you the hero."

"I hate you." Buffy snapped but the conviction in her tone was not there.

"Do you now? Think about it, deep down do you really hate me?"

"Yes"

"Thus conscience does make cowards of us all." Spike closed his eyes and smiled at his small victory.


	7. Conversations with the Dead Pt 2

Ok, I found out… I can't write touchy feely mushy lets all contemplate life stories. I can't wait to get back to the gore and beatings.

Also, just a reminder, this story is AU and is rated M. So far it has been rated M for violence. I hope to change that soon.

**Conversations with the Dead part 2**

Over the next three days Spike saw more of Buffy in the basement than he would have expected after their fight. When she had left her eyes were wide and moist, like a person about to cry, while her face had remained rigid and vacant. Spike had wanted to see how far he could push the Slayer. He had thought he reached her limit, but the repeated daily appearances told him otherwise.

Early every morning she came down with a glass of blood, leaving it at his knees so he would have to struggle to pick it up with his teeth. Buffy was always gone before then and he would toss the glass in a corner. When she got back from where ever it was she went to in the morning Buffy would come down the cellar steps, and sit, just off to the side so Spike could only see enough to know where she was. Buffy stayed down there for hours, flipping through magazines or just staring at the wall. When she was hungry she'd grab something to eat then come right back down. She didn't try to engage Spike in a chat anymore; instead she waited for him to instigate the next conversation. After three days of passing time in silence Spike finally broke down and spoke first.

"Leave." He let out with a grunt.

"No."

"It's awkward having you staring at my back. Why the hell you come down here now?"

"It's my cellar."

"You have a whole bloody house what makes this so special?"

"This was my training room until I tossed you down here. Now I have to leave every morning and workout somewhere else." Buffy acted indifferent to the conversation.

It was quite for a few more minutes except for the sound of Buffy flipping through a book. Spike became curious. Buffy did not seem the studious type. She had looked baffled when he had quoted Hamlet.

"What you reading?"

"A story about you."

"That special am I?"

"It says real name William. Date of birth unknown. Born in England. Was called William the Bloody because you tortured people with rail road spikes." Buffy read the story of his life like she would a grocery list.

This pissed Spike off. He was so much better than a few blurbs, he thought. His afterlife had been glorious, but of course those lousy sods would never get it right.

"Sounds boring, just like the watchers. They are forgetting all the love affairs, juicy gossip. The cries of entire families as they are gobbled down. No emotion at all. Don't even mention my good looks." He sniffed his indignation.

"What is it? The emotion. What's your story?" Buffy asked with a hint of longing.

"Like I'd tell the likes of you."

"I just thought you might like to set the record straight." Then she had an idea.

Buffy slipped around the circle on her knees so she was eye level with Spike. Looking at him, her head began to reel with thoughts. Her smile, if you could call it that, was lustful. Her voice when she spoke was enticing.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

Sitting back on her knees she looked intensely at Spike her eyes betraying her hunger and need for the truth.

"It would be more interesting than staring at the wall." Spike sighed.

"Good! I'll start. I was the most popular girl in school."

"Modest too I see."

"Shut up." Buffy playfully wrinkled her nose and narrowed her eyes in mock anger. "I was a cheerleader, Fiesta Queen and Prom Princess. All before I was 15. Then the dreams came. Women fighting, always alone, no one ever helping them as hordes of things, cuz I didn't know what they were at the time, came after them. A stranger followed me home one day, said I was the chosen one. I've fought evil every night since then."

That might have been the worst story he had ever heard. Spike shook his head. If she could give just the facts then so could he. Fuck her.

"You know that jacket you took off me? Belonged to a slayer I killed. Snapped her neck. All those people I tortured with railroad spikes? Pleasurable."

He sat back further on his knees, the muscles in his abdomen flexing under the new position. Spike smiled, licking a canine as he noticed the Slayer shifting uncomfortably.

"I mean really what did you think? You share a bit about yourself, I'd go all sappy and spill mine? Doesn't work that way luv."

_No it doesn't_, Buffy sighed to herself as she pushed off the ground to linger above Spike. She had to close her eyes to keep her balance while a wave of dizziness subsided. _Damn it, why do I always feel funky down here lately_. Absently she clutched a cross hanging just above his head. _I have no one to blame but myself. I tortured him, yelled at him then wanted to hear his life story. I didn't even try to tell him mine. Not even Willow, my best friend knows my story. We are enemy's our relationship does not work that way, but friendship can_.

With a snap the cross broke off its chain. Spike watched the Slayer absently stroke the pattern in a circular motion with her thumb before she asked.

"I need air. You need air?"

In a storm of splintering metal Buffy yanked the religious icons off their bindings and proceeded to toss them in a corner. When that was done she turned her attention to Spikes chains and pulled the pins to release the shackles from his arms and legs. When she was done untying his hands she stood back folding her arms over her chest.

"You might have to crawl, but when you get up there some blood will be on the table."

* * *

2 hours later

Thump

Thump

It might take him a while but he was going to make it up these stairs Spike told himself as he grabbed each step then dragged his body along. He had just been on his knees to long and needed to get the feeling back in them before he could properly stand. At the last step he got to his feet by pushing up on the floor. Still shaky on his legs he reached for the counter and caught the sink before his right knee buckled. He turned resting his back against the top. Just like she had promised a glass with blood was waiting on the table. He grabbed it, selfishly swigging it down. Like he had done with all the others he tossed it in the sink to shatter.

"That was my last glass." Buffy's voice could be heard from the other room.

Spike limped over leaning on the wall between living room and kitchen. The house was so small he did not have far to go. He looked around wondering how a Slayer lived. Her surroundings where sparse, nothing hanging on the walls and it appeared she could not afford a light bulb. In the middle of the room on the only seating available Buffy sat on a love seat watching some kind of program.

"You letting me go?" Spike asked a little winded.

"Don't be foolish."

"Why then?"

Buffy put the remote down to concentrate on her guest.

"Do I need a reason? It's pleasurable," she said in a mocking tone he had used with her before. Only she hadn't wanted to be rude. She wanted to gain his trust. So in an unpretentious tone she added "Somehow when I'm here with you… I forget what I am. I forget I hate you."

Spike considered her words and decided it would be useless to further the conversation. Nothing this chit said made any sense to him.

"I was about to watch a movie. You pick between "Steve McQueen" or "Brad Pitt"."

"No horror?"

"To close to home for my taste. I hate it when they get it right." Ever since he had been forced into her basement not once had Spike heard the Slayer sound cheerful. This caused him to reexamine her.

For the first time Spike looked at Buffy as something other than a meal or an adversary. The person who was supposed to put fear in the hearts of monsters everywhere was heartbreaking in her faded cotton pants and yellow tank top. Her legs bent to touch her chest, while her chin rested on her knees. The Great Slayer seemed small on her couch.

"I'll ask one more time. Why?"

"I need information."

"I told you there is no plan."

"Do you remember the Slayers you killed? I want to know more about them."

"Shouldn't they be in those books of yours?"

"Giles says the watchers are not allowed to write about the slayer."

_Fucking watchers, wankers all of them. _

They had told him she'd ask something like this. Now all Spike had to do was point the Slayer to Angelus, send her on her merry way and leave town a free man.

So why was he hesitating? Maybe because nothing he had done in the past, not even killing children had made him feel as disgusted as he felt now having to carry out orders from the council. However to not carry out those orders meant betraying his kind. If nothing else Spike was loyal. So he sucked up his pride.

"We keep records too." Her head shot up. "Angelus has a copy of the first recording of the slayers."

Buffy rose from the couch cautiously taking a few steps towards Spike.

"I'll make a deal with you Spike. You give me the information I need to get this book. I'll let you go. If I ever see you again, I'll kill you."

"Sure you can live with that deal? All the people I'll kill and it will be your fault." He couldn't believe he was trying to talk her out of it.

"It's not my fault bad stuff exist in the world. I'm not responsible for what bad men do."

"The mansion just off of Main Street. It's locked up in the library."

"So… front door, back door?"

"Window, left side there's a tree leads right to it." Damn it, why was he being helpful? He should have told her back door, get her all lost. Still why help Angelus and the watchers? Why not make it a little harder to kill her?

"If you come across a chap named Angelus… Just don't get caught by him."

Buffy inched closer, never taking her eyes of him. Spike took a step back uncomfortable by her proximity, but she kept coming forcing him back. Her slender fingers crept around his wrist, her sturdy grip compelling Spike to keep from moving further. Spike felt another hand touch the back of his neck. He felt the weight of her chest against his, but he could no longer see her. His vision was blurred by the oncoming sight of her lips toward him.

He wanted to push her away, vamp out, bite her. The nature of his daemon screamed in outrage at what she was attempting to do, but his body had slowed down, while hers seemed to move faster. Never taking her eyes from his she kissed Spike, not softly, however with a jolt as their mouths touched. The force sent Spike back another step, only instead of the firm linoleum floor of the kitchen Spike found his foot touched only air. Buffy broke from the kiss and let her hold of Spike go as he fell down the stairs.

All Spike heard when he reached the bottom was the loud slam of the hatch and a lock clicking.

"You get out when I get the book."

Spike lay at the bottom, a hand on his throbbing head.

"Bitch." His free hand touched where she had kissed him. His lips where still warm and her lip gloss lingered against his mouth. Then he felt something sharp. His fangs where out. So he had vamped out. Only was that before or after he fell?

No wonder the council wanted her dead. This slayer was barmy.


	8. War and Peace Pt 1

A/N : I had writers block…but then a saw 3 movies in one week that totally made me want to return to the blood, sex and violence that is this story. So I give you

War and Peace Pt:1  
Rated: M- This story, if not this chapter, is not meant for the viewing of small animals or children named Billy.

"You're not going." Giles was standing in front of the Magic Shop door blocking Buffy's exit. She had arrived early that afternoon excited to share her findings with her friends but they had not returned her enthusiasm. Instead Willow and Xander had berated her incoherently while Giles made disapproving vocalizations. Buffy blocked them all out hearing only wonky sounds, while imagining the best route to the mansion Spike and his family occupied. She had not come for their approval, she had just wanted someone (other than Spike) to share her joy with. If not your friends then who? When she thought everyone was done scolding her she had gotten up and headed for the front door only to have the blue sweater of Giles slip into view.

Now for the last five minutes the two had been locked in a staring contest, arms crossed, brows rutted, daring the other to move.

"Too late I made up my mind."

"You can't go." His voice was stiff.

Buffy placed a hand on his shoulder and looked up at Giles the way a daughter would a father, giving him her best persuasive eyes. They all were being ridicules, she did stuff like this every night and she had to crush this issue now before she lost daylight. "Don't you get it? This is what I've been searching for."

"You're still on about that?" Giles rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Did you even try and get information on why the Order of Aurillies has come? Or are your own selfish wants blinding you from your duty?"

"I haven't forgotten my duty. Every day I'm reminded of my duty. It's about time I get something I want." It was a blow to Buffy's ego to have her friends think she would be so selfish as to forget her priorities. She had preformed her responsibilities, the added information of the book was only a bonus. She liked to think of it as Karma's way of saying thank you for her years of service.

"Spike says…"

Giles held up a hand cutting her off uninterested in her explanation. "My god Buffy. Do you hear you're self? It's probably a trap." Giles pleaded, agitated at her persistence but needed her to understand. Buffy might not have always listened to him, but she had always trusted him and his judgment. Lately however his slayer had been growing more detached, and was placing her trust in other things beside him self.

"Oh, I know it's a trap. Hence the sharp pointy sticks." She looked over to Willow and Xander hoping for support. That they could understand her want. Again seeing her friends Buffy was reminded of the meaning of alone. Both pretended to examine another part of the room not wanting to get in the middle. They could tell, even if Buffy couldn't, that Giles was furious and they feared retaliation. Plus both thought Giles was right. Buffy was acting irrational.

"But I believe the book exist and is worth going after." Buffy concluded when she saw no backup would come.

"Stop it Buffy. I won't let you throw your life away for some stupid journal." Giles hissed shaking her hand from his shoulder.

"That stupid journal is my life. I am the Slayer and their stories are my stories. Technically, that makes the book mine."

"Buffy, just shut up and listen to Giles." Like Buffy, Xander just wanted this conversation to end. "You've been acting all crazy lately. At first I just shrugged it off and thought you were all moody from Riley dieing. But now that I look back I think you could care less." Xander had stood, crossing the distance between him and the door.

"Xander that's a mean thing to say." Willow let out a mousey squeak from her seat.

"It's true Will. Not to mention last week I saw her with a Golgatha daemon." He turned his attention back to Buffy. " You didn't know I was there did you? You took out it's leg first before you just pounded it's skull in. That's not like you Buff. Now your letting Vampires sleep in your basement." Xander moved a little closer trapping Buffy between the two men. "Since no one else seems to want to ask the obvious question. Why wont you kill Spike Buffy?"

"I'm done discussing this." Buffy tried to ignore the feeling of being ambushed by her friends when the gentle hand of Giles fell against her wrist sending a wave of bitter ice across her skin.

For a moment Buffy can not move or see the rest of the room. Her vision has gone bright white with blue lens flares flashing like camera bulbs. Against the foreground a low buzzing sound, similar to telephone poles, began to creep into her ears. The buzzing grew until she could make out words.

a part of her yelled in anger. _Hurt them, don't let them touch you. _It was a voice she heard often when she fought. It told her when to duck, when to kick. The voice kept her going when all she wanted to do was lay down and die. Lately the voice was becoming stronger. 

Another side tried soothing the screaming voice in her head. Reassuring it they were only trying to help.

In the end the screaming voice won.

"Xander's right Buffy." Giles was unable to finish before Buffy's other hand was around his as she spun pinning his hand to his back while slamming him against the glass door. She thought she heard a crack but that didn't matter.

"I'm done discussing this." Her voice seemed to be coming from somewhere far off.

The yelling voice cooed approvingly. _It would be so easy _it whispered against her skull,

It wasn't until she heard the break of bone that Buffy realized she had turned thought into action.

In one fluid motion Buffy pushed Giles away from the door into Xander and began to step outside.

Giles played his last card in a disparate attempt to get her back. "Walk out that door and you're no longer welcome here. The council will disown you."

"What? You can't!" Willow didn't understand how everything had gone wrong so fast. Now she was up standing with the rest of them.

"Be quit Willow." Giles voice was steady as he held his wrist in place. Everything depended on what Buffy did next.

"No! Xander." She knew Xander would come through for her. See the absurdity in all of this.

"Giles is right Will. Just sit." Neither men took there eyes off the Slayer.

"Buffy, the council can't have its slayers running around disobeying orders all the time."

"Then it looks like I'm not the councils slayer."

The bells on the door rang her exit. She stepped into the street and decided to take the long walk to the mansion. Her steps where light. It should have upset her she had hurt someone but she didn't care. She hadn't cared for a long time and for the first time she was alright with that.

* * *

Just like Spike had said.

Take the tree on the left side of the building up to the second floor window and jump on the ledge.

Easy.

Buffy smiled as the thought of Spike produced the image of his face when he realized no floor was under him. He had changed during the kiss, so the combination of bumps and childish surprise had been endearing if not comical.

A rotting piece of ply wood was the only thing standing between her and the inside now. _Don't forget your prize the voice sang._ A couple of well placed punches and the haphazard fortification splintered to pieces. Buffy climbed through the opening waiting by it's edge until her eyes adjusted to the dim light.

Fractured daylight from outside illuminated the grimy library. It had not been well taken care of by it'd previous occupants. Books were scattered across the floor and other surfaces. A layer or caked dirt about a centimeter thick covered most the room. Buffy let a finger slide across a table as she walked around the ugly paisley chair in her way. When she brought it back up to inspect it the tip was covered in black soot and grime. Looking around she saw on a side table by a couch one book appeared to have been dusted off. It had been left open to whatever page its owner had been reading. Before she could step closer though to read it a new voice entered behind her.

"I was wondering when you'd get here." Angelus spoke as if to a friend he had been waiting for to have lunch with.

For the first time in her slayer life Buffy couldn't move because of her nerves. The voice was behind her by the book shelves flanking the right wall. He had been in the room the whole time and she had missed it. Her arm had been reaching for the open book and she let it drop to her side. "I didn't know anyone was waiting for me, or else I'd been here sooner."

"I'll forgive you this once." He chided. "Frankly I'm a little surprised to see you up here. Spike was supposed to tell you the back door."

" Hmph, Like I'd trust him." She found the courage to slowly start turning around. When she faced the daemon that had been at her back she slipped on a cocky smile to let him know she was not scared. Then Buffy took a step forward. "I saw the tree and took my chances."

Next came the part of the exchange she hated. No matter how many times she faced an opponent they always did one thing in common. They sized her up. Some did a quick sweep but others leered and this one was a leerier. She sighed waiting for the awkward moment to end.

Angelus started from the bottom. He wanted to savor the time he had with the slayer. She wore white sneakers, comfortable but did nothing like the damage a steel toed boot might do. He followed the line of her jeans up slender legs. They were tight enough to picture the shape underneath but concealed the strength behind the lithe muscles he was sure resided there. Going further he passed a loose black t-shirt, the outline of her breast barely visible until he came to her throat. It was sun kissed and brushed with the rosy hue of her anticipation of the fight to come. Further up came a stubborn chin off set by pink fleshy lips. Her face was in the last stages of loosing it's childish qualities and taking on the more ridged characteristics of adulthood. Lastly he looked at her eyes. Narrowed and furrowed at the center, her green eyes where indifferent to the situation. She was just waiting for him to make a move.

Angelus licked his lips with eagerness letting his game face slip on. "I bet he enjoyed being tortured by you." He had never been one to keep a lovely lady waiting.

Verbal exchanges done he lunged for her throat to get the brawl started. In a sweeping side step Buffy avoided him landing a punch to his gut. While the vampire was doubled over she connected another to his right side. This was going to be easy. She got ready to kick him when his hand, a mammoth paw, shot out and grabbed her ankle. With a jerking motion that went down then up Angelus managed to knock her off her feet. Taking on of his steel toed boots he readied to grind her knee cap to the floor when she suddenly did a back wards summersault to her knees.

Crouching on the dirty floor, hair falling in her eyes Angelus couldn't help notice how feral she appeared. Oh the fun he'd have with her…he thought of all the ways to make those pretty lips scream. He could almost get off just thinking about it.

One spin sent her leg out in a sweep kick that Angelus easily jumped. As she spun around a second time she stood up bringing her arm out in a back handed hit. He caught Buffy by the wrist before she had struck him across the face.

"Tsk, tsk. Now that's not nice." He applied pressure and saw her cringe. If his heart could beat it would be ripping through his chest right now. Not only was he enjoying this but so was she. The Slayer had yet to go for a stake she had planted on her person. Although her features stayed the same stoic continence all slayers seemed to learn, her eye's mimicked his own. In them he saw her joy. The watchers had been right, she was unique. It was almost sacrilege to kill a creature like her.

Taking the opportunity afforded her by Angelus's inspection Buffy brought her other fist square to his nose. He stumbled back shocked by her outburst but never let go. This just made him hold on tighter and Buffy thought she heard bone crunching. With a flick of his arm he sent her whipping against the book case. Using a speed only a Vampire could posses he was on top of her before she had been able to clear the stars.

Still holding on to her wrist he raised it above her head, sliding one leg between her thighs. His other hand he placed just below the zipper of her pants.

A disgusted look crossed Buffy's face as she tried to settle the wave of nausea. Pleased and encouraged by her reactions Angelus began to move his free hand north slipping beneath the cotton against her skin. When she felt his flesh touch hers Buffy's eyes clouded like a moonless night. She revealed her teeth like a wild animal and tried to claw his eyes out.

Yes, yes, that's right. Make him bleed. Let the last thing he see's be you.

Buffy had managed to scratch above the brow when he caught her other hand and forced it with the other. His one hand being more than enough to hold her two delicate ones in place. She now writhed beneath him lashing out. Kicking and twisting in his grasp. Angelus started laughing then thrust his pelvis against her. He smiled a big toothy grin. The ability to breath alluded Buffy, she stopped struggling and looked at him; his queasy smile sending goose bumps to every surface of her body. Willow and Spike both had warned her about the leader of the Order.

"You must be Angelus." She gagged on the words.

His smile softened proud she had heard of him. Angelus inched a little closer, she held her chin up high. The Slayer truly was the best play thing he had in a while. Quickly he severed the distance between them and fervently kissed her. Buffy tried to melt into the book case to escape him but the more she tried to lean away the harder he pressed into her. If she tried to turn her head he just bit her bottom and pulled her back in place. Angelus's free hand began roaming, finding rest on her ass. Finally when her lungs began to burn from lack of oxygen he separated.

"God, gross." Buffy spit over her right shoulder to get the taste out of her mouth. "Tooth brush. I mean really." Her words faltered as he came closer. She didn't think she could stand another kiss.

Angelus was now cheek to cheek with her, his rancid breath smelling of day old blood. "You know, I never thought I'd say this but you smell great." He said rather cheerily.

"Your just not use to being around people who shower I guess." Buffy scoffed then slammed her head against the side of his. He had a thick skull and she thought the action might have hurt her more than him. However she had caught him off guard making him take a step back. That was all she needed. With that one step her legs were free and she slid between him and the book case. Her retreat was interrupted though by a tug on her arm. As a dancer would guide his partner so did Angelus making her spin back towards his chest. Pinning Buffy's arms to her side while his rested around her waist Angelus began to sway to unheard music.

"I think I'll keep you around for while." As he said this one hand shifted to her throat and began to squeeze.

Buffy stayed calm pushing the screams she heard in the back of her mind away. Her eyes narrowed before her heel slammed into his foot then her elbow dug into Angelus's side. He still held on but his grip had loosened and with a few shakes Buffy had rolled from his grasp. It was not with out causality though. In her escape he had desperately grabbed for her shirt and ripped it. She looked from her torn shirt to him then back again.

"That was my favorite slaying shirt."

Angelus just shrugged.

Pissed she landed a right hook across his temple sending him back.

Foolishly Angelus had not been paying attention to his surroundings. He had let their positions reverse and now he was in the corner where she had come in instead of the dark crevasse of the library. As he stumbled back he smelled burning cloth and flesh.

"Fuck!" He leapt into the air trying to avoid the rays of light creeping in from the broken planks. He managed to get away and began to put the fire out. When he looked back up a beam of light was now separating him from Buffy. He'd have to go around if he wanted to get her but that would be to slow. Maybe he could persuade her to come over there.

"You're bleeding." He said. With out taking her eyes off him she brought a finger to her collar bone. She felt the sticky fluid of blood that must have absconded sometime during their struggle.

. The voice pleaded. 

"You're baking." She smiled.

A twitch of Angelus's eyes caused her too shut the voice away. He was hiding something and trying not to look at it… He did it again and this time she followed his gaze. It was the book less than 3 feet away. It had only been a second but one word had stood out.

Slayer.

The ass had been reading it before she came.

Their fight had now turned into a stand off. What the other did in the next moments would be crucial. They stood fingers twitching at invisible guns.

Buffy was the first to move followed closely behind by Angelus. She sprinted for the couch grabbing the book off the side table before she jumped over it's back. Angelus reached for her, felt the thin material slip through his fingers but it was to late. The crazy bitch had jumped through the boarded up window. Angelus had to roll away before he caught a blast of sun against his face.

It was only two stories she had told her self before she made the leap. Two stories later and Buffy wondered if she'd ever move again. Nothing seemed broken, just painful. Glass was digging into her back and chips of wood stung her eyes. Yet she had it, she finally had what she was searching for. The pain and loss of consciousness was worth it.

Quickly, just to make sure, Buffy opened the book to a random page: Slayer of the Great Lady Ankimon-in. Called 980 Died 980.

This was it.

Flipping her middle finger in the air she yelled out, "Haha, Jack Ass!" before she got to her feet, adrenaline pounding in her ears and ran in the direction of her home.


End file.
